Saturday, June 7, 2008

Good Girls Go to Heaven, Bad Girls Go to Berlin

[Disclaimer: Despite my best efforts to avoid an X-rated blog, this post does come close. So for the faint at heart, consider yourselves duly warned.]

I haven’t broken all of the Ten Commandments, but I’ve certainly managed a passing grade. Being Catholic, there's nothing I like better than breaking taboos, followed by obsessively examining and re-examining exactly how highly each sin would rank. Venal, deadly, or mortal?

We all have our particular proclivities, I suppose, and without a doubt mine is men who have something else, or multiple something elses, going on. No need to look any deeper into this, I suppose, than the terrible cloying clinginess of my ex-husband, which I now avoid at all costs. And men who other women desire are somehow simply more alluring. Still, at least I’ve learned to avoid pretty boys; they are nothing but trouble and so awful in bed. But I’ve met someone who is really quite gorgeous, with a simply lovely personality, though alas is saving himself (well, his mind, at least) for some lucky woman parked in the D.R. with visa problems.

Ay, the frustration of yet again finding myself falling into my same old pattern. What to do? I always remember L. from high school: saving her virginity apparently didn’t mean she couldn’t let her boyfriend talk her into, shall we say, a back-door approach. Yes, I DO mean what you’re thinking…. As my ex used to say about Catholic women, “thank you, thank you, Pope”.

Now, what exactly qualifies as cheating? For myself, I’ve always defined fidelity in terms of emotional loyalty, and this hottie certainly meets that test. It is charming to hear him talk about his beloved, and so nice for me to remember that romantic love is alive and well in those who’ve avoided my jaded level. SO, the only problem (as always), is the other woman and HER expectations. And this is where it becomes very hard, because el cuerpo exige….the physical will out. Yes, some lines were crossed, but many others were not, and whenever I think about this guy, I say 50 Hail Marys and 30 Our Fathers. Well not really, but I absolutely SWEAR on a stack of bibles that I will not do this again.

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