Monday, January 19, 2009

Todo Sobre Meine Mutter

Womyn, if you want men who are phenomena in bed (and often in the kitchen, not to mention with the shopping, the cleaning and more), find eldest sons of narcissistic mothers. I honestly don't know if anything can be more simultaneously wonderful and dreadful. The attention, the care, the consideration is so compelling. But we know all too well, don't we, how this goes hand-in-hand with being men-who-love-women-so-much-they-find-it-impossible-to-say-no-to-a-whole-assortment. And how inevitably messy history will trickle out, bit by bit.

I'm still waiting for the poetry book from my ex that is to be entitled Wire Mother, which we came up with many years ago but was nixed by the dunder-headed editors of his first book. It's a theme that's run through every serious relationship I've had with first-world men. Now the Lively German and I are having great fun chewing apart the German mother angle on this. I'm fourth-generation German-American, strictly matrilineal, and it's amazing to me how deeply embedded this complex is, all the way from my great-grandmother to my grandmother to my mother. It took coming to Germany to really grasp its full implications. I now understand why, as a child, nary a medical check-up was missed and I was always adequately clothed and fed. Now, the beatings were, one would suppose, a little bonus for my own good: spare the rod, spoil the child, don't you know. The vicious cycle will stop with me, however; no more passing on German mother genes by this woman!!

But I digress, as I want to go a bit farther still and imagine the German mother complex coupled with the narcissistic mother syndrome. What sort of disaster do we suppose this might be, particularly for their eldest sons? For this intrepid observer of male behavior, could anything be more deliciously dangerous? In contrast, Spain, where children genuinely seem to like their parents (imagine!) is starting to seem impossibly insipid. No wonder Spanish men appear so hopelessly unmotivated to me, in all things sexual. Because if a mother exists primarily to serve her children, how on earth will her son ever learn his true purpose in life?? Namely being always at the ready, every minute of the night and day, to fulfill one (or multiple) womyn's every desire!

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