Before we leave the first month of the new year, I thought I'd get my act together and post something on film last year. This is my first formal top-ten list, inspired by the excellence of 2009 with regard to film. You'll have to allow me a bit of artistic license as some of the films were released at the end of 2008 but I didn't see them until their arrival in Spain in the spring or summer. Here they are, in no particular order:
Human Zoo (Rasmussen) Anti-Christ (von Trier) Séraphine (Provost) Moon (Jones) Hashmatsa/Defamation (Shamir) Solo Quiero Caminar (Díaz) Amreeka (Dabis) The Messenger (Moverman) Okuribito/Departures (Takita) District 9 (Blomkamp) Guest of Cindy Sherman (Donahue/Hasegawa-Overacker)
Finally, he's my friend, it's true (by American if not by German standards), but I just have to slip in The Director's first feature-length film, Übermorgen nirgendwo (Balkan Traffic), which was released at the end of 2008 while I was in Berlin. At that time I couldn't see it in the theater as my German wasn't up to the task. But I watched it twice on DVD, after which I felt competent to brave a theater showing in Brandenburg, the best part of which was The Director's Q and A. Probably the movie poster tells it the best, but I just have to say that this movie has what has to be in my top-five list of most absurdist scenes, depicting two morticians (one Serbian, one Croatian) robbing a grave in the pitch dark somewhere deep in eastern Europe, while arguing in German about the relative merits of nihilism. Ganz toll!
The computers determined that your ability to blend in wiz ze Germans is about the same as that of celebrity fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld. "Wait a minute" you say, "isn't he German? Woohoo! I did it, I am a proper German now!". Not so fast Auslander. Keep the champagne chilled for now. The truth is, you failed this personality test miserably by achieving the lowest possible score.
This is the detailed personality assessment for you and Karl:
• You were born in Hamburg, Germany, but moved to Paris when you were about 20, never looking back or getting homesick.
Now, as we learned before, it is a requirement for any German person to 1) love Hamburg unconditionally and 2) do blog and forum raids on the internet to try to shut up any Hamburg-critical voice. All German people are aspiring to move to Hamburg one day to live in what they believe to be "the most beautiful city in the world". Karl however has been overheard calling Hamburg boring, provincial, and is said to be not really keen on visiting the place unless someone pays him a lot of money.
• Even though you claim to be a creative person, nobody has ever seen you sporting messy hair, a scruffy beard, a fedora hat, plaids, Chucks, or oversized nerd glasses.
• You also never attended any indie punk rock concert of "upcoming" local bands, where you expressed your edginess by splashing around cheap beer in an ironic way and "going totally wild and crazy".
The bottom line of your test result is - you are still stuck on square one of the imaginary "Ich werde ein Berliner" board game. You'll have to work a lot harder from now on, or you may never blend in wiz ze Germans. Why not start by reading Ich werde ein Berliner all over again now? Preferably on an Apple-branded Laptop in a nearby "alternative" cafe.
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