Monday, May 23, 2011

All Woman

My dears, I am relieved to report that I saw the most spectacular female ass in the world again in the shower two weeks later and can declare that I have returned definitively to female-dom! That means I looked at it appraisingly, thinking, not bad, definitely superior to mine, but wait, isn't that a bit of cellulite I see there...? I guarantee that the previous time I did not see anything but perfection -- I was as close as I will ever be to penile-bearing.

My conclusion? It's really a horror sometimes, to have been socialized as a woman -- think of how terribly critical we are of our bodies. But could it be, in stark contrast, that men really do see us, at least at the beginning, as perfectly compelling, seductive creatures? Wouldn't that just be fab?!? I've spoken twice since the testosterone affair to she who possesses the greatest female ass and she is really a sweetie. Even still, I would have no idea whatsoever how to approach her... and at least for the time being, I have discarded that idea completely.

At any rate, given that my hormones were back in line with reality but my brain was in its customary state of bitingly sharp wittiness, I'll share with you the greatest hits of my recent Craigslist post (in Madrid), my first, I'd say, in at least two years. I'd rather given it up, and only occasionally respond to top-notch ads in Berlin, of which, surprisingly, there were THREE this spring. Three, imagine that.

I'm quite frankly looking for someone capable of sustaining a primarily sexual relationship for more than the 20 minutes it takes a typical indigenous specimen, drunk off his ass, to complete his business during his monthly (as finances permit) one-night stand. Implicit in this is your ability to please a woman, to open yourself up sexually, to not run away after a handful of encounters when you see that I have a great deal of psychological and intellectual depth, am at least as experienced as you and am dangerously good at pleasing men who are good at pleasing me. PLEASE abstain: Spaniards, smokers, cheaters, little boys who still need their mamas, premature ejaculators, misogynists, anyone who doesn't live within Madrid Capital or anyone whose first impulse would be to send a cock-shot.

Unbelievably, I received about 10 responses before taking down the ad, only one of which was negative. And one of them has, shall we say, already (ahem) clicked. Testosterone, endorphins and ocytocin are once again coursing through my bloodstream. Life has resumed its Technicolor cast, and I'm back on course, cheating society.

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