I'm as tired as any woman out there of being treated by men as a sexual commodity to be begged, borrowed or stolen. I'm also tired of giving freely to men who give nothing in return or (the worst) act as if they've gotten away with something. But unlike most women, perhaps, I don't blame it on their base animal natures. [I myself am hardly immune when it comes to a base animal nature.] No, for me it became much easier to get along in this world when I was able to ascribe the moronic behavior of These Men to the shitty socialization to which this society subjects us all.
has taught us women that our sexuality is a desired commodity to be
carefully rationed. In contrast, men are conditioned to try to get
something (booty, in this case) for free. We all know what an extremely
disagreeable tension this causes. As an extreme example, let's look at
what happens in a sex club. Women get in free most places in Berlin or,
in Madrid, pay at most pay 10 euros (with a cocktail typically thrown
in). Men pay five or more times this price, unless accompanied by a
woman, which generally at least halves the entry. It's hardly surprising when inside, many behave like animals -- after all, they've paid for the right.
What sort of attitude does this engender in women?
Getting into a club for free (the eternal ladies' nights) gives us women
the rather smug feeling that we're getting away with something. I'm not sure many of us stop to think how we're being sexually commodified. Well then, and the men? I imagine they're very aware of the true cost of a "lay" -- so many euros to get in, so many minutes of cheap lines and stupid small talk before a woman loosens up, so many drinks to get her well lubricated (pun unintended), and, above all, a tangible chance of failure in the end. Male readers, feel free to weigh in on this topic, but if I
were you, I think I'd find it frustrating and unfair. Even so, you
know those clubs, don't you, as you seem to show up as if on cue, within
a half-hour of the close of ladies' night hours?
Sigh. Does it really need to be this way? The insane
hormonal rollercoaster on which I currently find myself tells me clearly
I am meant to get as much of that "good thang" as I possibly can before
my time's up. My intellect tells me that I, and women like me, are
prisoners of this system just as much as men are, and it will always be
extremely difficult or impossible for us to freely and unselfconsciously
act on and enjoy our own sexuality.
Given the personality with which I've been
saddled, it really is so hard for me to give up without a fight.
The Pirate says, "there you go, moving forward, creating new imprints
and conditioning - consciously, not just the random hubris of a
mechanical system of lowest common denominators". Guilty as charged! I
keep thinking and puzzling and pushing the envelope pretty much just as
far as I dare. And that's because there's a reason that's much, much
bigger than just myself.
In this regard, the other week I consulted my dearly
beloved Ex, who was visiting me in Madrid and like me seems to have
spent the last few years observing first-hand some really horrendous
sexual pathology. My question to him was how much pathology is due to
this mentality of sexuality as some sort of precious limited
resource, instead of something that should be as free and
abundant as the air we breathe. Because here's the crux of the matter:
if eschewing our shitty socialization would get rid of even a fraction
of the sexual abuse of children and women, shouldn't we advocate it? Militantly? I really rather think the answer is yes.