Saturday, January 11, 2014

Best of Berlin's Craigslist, 2014

Phew, the wave of really intense spamming via blog comments in 2013 has either died down or this blog provider has finally figured out how to screen them out. My monthly page hits in December are way down, to several hundred, which would seem to imply the former, while at the same time regular readers have undoubtedly given up on me.  I have written very little in the last ten months or so because it's seriously discouraging to think one is being read only by bots. 

Perhaps in 2014 I'll eschew the Internet entirely, given how clear it is that our every move is tracked.  For now, my new year's offering is a couple of spectacular personal ads.  Chocolate Guy, who has turned Berlin's Craigslist into something of a personal blog over the last couple of years, which in my mind qualifies as E-performance art, gives us this:

Umm, yeah. Yeah! So... - 39 (Berlin) 

I don't know if it just because I am getting older; it might be that bike and that fucking hill; or it might be my feverish pursuit of inappropriate women too many years my junior; but my knees are hurting. I could solve the problem quite easily in one fell swoop by buying a car. No really, I've heard that is that simple, two birds one stone, one bird two stones would even work ok. Stoned birds? That's only the fantasy of a man with bad knees.
One stoned bird with her own car? A taxi fair [sic] clutched in the hand of a drunken woman? Ah, I should be a taxi driver... Angry football fans shouting and puking in the back of my car? No, scrub that, reassess, re-imagine...

Inappropriate woman seeks older man with bad knees and no car? You just don't see that sort of thing much.

The title alone has me smiling, but by "inappropriate woman seeks...", I am guffawing, and this is the third time in two days I've read it.  It was a really good day yesterday, perusing the ads, because I found what has to be a new kid in town, unless he's been there all along and my German just wasn't good enough to grasp the heavy layers of sarcasm.  I only had a couple of stumbles: Geschüttelter and "Was bei drei nicht auf dem Baum ist" [I looked it up -- ouch!]  The final line is the icing on the cake... and a nice contrast to his offer of a 10-year-old cock shot.  I tossed around the idea of sending a photo of my little finger from 1992.  But, really, who sends out photos in these brave new days? 

Suche Gestörte für Drama - m4w - 42 (Xberg)

Midlifecrisisgeschüttelter 42jähriger (jünger aussehend sagen heutzutage alle) auf der verzweifelten Flucht vor dem Eheglück und kleinen Kindern sucht Abwechslung der sexuellen und/oder romantischen Natur. Nehme alles, was bei drei nicht auf dem Baum ist, kann natürlich nicht dafür zahlen (Frau kontrolliert Konten/bin arbeitslos/geizig), und biete daher emotionalen Mißbrauch, Drama, Chaos und Verwesung als Gegenleistung. Zehn Jahre alte Schwanzbilder gerne auf Anfrage, für alles andere bin ich zu feige.
Am liebsten eine 21jährige Studentin mit Papakomplex und Borderlinerin, alternativ auch beziehungsgestörte Mittdreissigerinnen mit Jugendlichkeitskomplex oder übergewichtige Hausfrauen. Eventuell sozialschwache Frauen in emotionalen Abhängigkeitsverhältnissen.

Ernstgemeinte Antworten bitte nur mit Foto.


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