The Size Post, Part II: The Solution

Having made the great sacrifice of getting my butt down to Valencia on a nearly all-expenses-paid trip (thanks to a fortuitous sugar-daddy opportunity) to do Important Public Health Research, I went personally to meet the man who may be responsible for saving lives among the differently endowed in Spain. As far as I've been able to confirm, he's the only supplier of a fitted condom in Spain. But I continued in my tireless pursuit of safety+pleasure for the men of Spain, as I have subsequently engaged in hours of intensive product testing. I can testify that I have convinced a confirmed condom dodger to dutifully don the right-fitting tool, who, once properly equipped, subjected these condoms to prolonged, rigorous and highly successful use. Ladies and gentlemen, a drum roll please as I introduce at least a partial solution to the size conundrum, thanks to top-notch German engineering (is there any better?): MY.SIZE.

A few more words on this product: it appears to be a simplified version of TheyFit, although it does not resolve the unfortunate assumption that equates length with width. The wider condom sizes are longer (perhaps too long, though better too long than not long enough). It's a good beginning though there's definitely room for improvement; I'm convinced it's still possible to develop a fairly simple scheme. My ideal would be two or three different lengths for each width, meaning a total of 12 or 15 sizes, which seems to me imminently more marketable than TheyFit's 70 or more.

MY.SIZE also provides a measurement guide that can be printed out, just like TheyFit, isn't that nifty? Then there's the handy educational My.Size video (for the moment available only in German) which engenders the strangest feeling in me -- could there be anything more droll than a German male armed with six differently-sized dildos providing condom use instructions?? Perhaps I'm most consternated by the fact that I understand virtually every word?!

To those otherly-endowed men in Spain: run, don't walk, to the source that will make your life much much more fun and imminently safer: RAMASAnitaria, www.ramasa.com.

The Size Post - Part I: The Challenge

Womyn, it will come as no surprise to you when I say, all men are simply not created equal. But it amazes me that they tend to have only a fuzzy idea of exactly where they fit in, at least those who don't indulge in sex with other men, sex clubs, etc. As ridiculous as it seems, I'm certain their main basis of comparison is the locker room. [Imagine!] Which must explain that old myth we always heard (at least in the U.S.) that, shall we say, members vary greatly in size when soft, but everything pretty much evens out when erect. HA! If experience with men from five continents and at least double as many ethnic groups counts for anything, then believe me, the only rule is there's no rule. And I'd have to say, Vive la Difference! How interesting would it be if every time we unwrapped the proverbial package, the gift inside were always the same?? Finally, for you men, yes, absolutely, there is such a thing as too big, and smaller is definitely nicer for certain pastimes.

But I digress, as the point of this post is to convey an IMPORTANT PUBLIC HEALTH MESSAGE. So, condoms being manufactured by men, and men being convinced they are all the same size (the porn star phenomenon aside, which we should all recognize as ridiculously aberrant examples of FAR TOO BIG, even if admittedly very nice to look at), I am going to say that in the 4 countries in which I've lived, one is very hard pressed to find more than, at most, two condoms sizes. This could be roughly equivalent to a shoe store offering a normal or extra large shoe. Except, unlike feet, members (ahem!) come in compact, all-around super-sized, it's true, but also short but stubby, long and lean, mushroom-shaped, pyramidal, and, well, I could go on and on. Larger by no means signifies longer AND wider and shapes vary to the point were I've even seen one that BENDS half-way down.

Womyn, I used to be completely hard-line, with no sympathy for men who tried to get out of using condoms: What sort of idiots were these, I wondered? But having been hit in Europe with an unusual run of the amply endowed, for whom an XL is not nearly large enough (doh, no, please don't try to STRETCH OUT THAT CONDOM!!!), I've actually come to sympathize. Seeing a man squashed like a sausage into a contraption that robs him of any chance of pleasure has silenced my self-righteousness. About a year ago I started looking around for a solution, and hit upon the intriguing but impossibly complicated TheyFit which had 70 sizes. The sizing system was completely occult (for example, B66 or E17), requiring one to previously print out a template and measure in the privacy of one's own home. Meant, undoubtedly, to assuage the feelings of the more modest-sized man, this company seems to have gone spectacularly out of business -- see the website of Amsterdam's Condomerie. People lucky enough to have sampled TheyFit (I was not) still lament its demise in various blogs. Condomania.com still carries what remains, presumably the less popular sizes.

I am happy to report, dear readers, that I've recently taken up this question much more seriously and launched a market-research campaign, so that those of you confronted with lovers of unusual endowment will no longer have to go through condom wars. I'll begin with my own personal experiences. First, there's Germany, not typically a country prone to exaggeration, which offers, funnily enough, the Condomi XXL; note that this is longer (200mm) but NOT wider (its 54mm is a pretty standard width). An XL in Spain (such as Adapta, 57mm x 195mm) gives only a bit more width. The U.S.' Trojan Magnum is meant for large men but its tapered shape is a bit of a puzzle. It would be perfect for the large mushroom-shaped man (the stats I've found on the web indicate it's 64mm tapering to 57mm). But for a man with a more uniformly cylindrical shape, it's, well, a cock ring. Stay tuned for more on my search for the perfect condom brand...