I think my readers will stipulate to the fact that we are all of us unique. We each have our little foibles and interesting twists. I often equate sex to eating. When one sits down to a nice meal with a companion, one would never presume to order for him or her without consulting tastes and preferences, whether it's good to share dishes, if there are food allergies involved, etc. Why on earth don't we do that with sex? There is nothing more important when starting out with a new lover than asking what s/he needs to (how shall I put this) ... peak... I like to find out about those cool little kinks, using them as a sort of icing on the cake that takes sex from the prosaic to the potentially sublime.
I remember the first time a man asked me what rings my bell; it was quite shocking to this Catholic girl but oh so compelling. With time, I have developed a little trick of my own -- to ask a man to show me how he (ahem) pleases himself on his own. I am used, by now, to the surprise this elicits in men, and often a good measure of shyness. I have never, however, found one who could not be persuaded, often by a little bit of, shall we say, audience participation. Asking, or persuading someone to show you, gets you at least half of the way to being a good lover. But although I clearly remember the first time this happened to me, sadly, I'm still waiting for the second... So people, please, Ask, ASK, ASK!