Monday, October 21, 2013

Why Women Turn Off

Womyn, you know as well as I do that there comes a time when that man who used to make you so hot begins to leave you completely cold (and I mean quick-unpleasant-shiver-up-the-spine-little-shake-of-revulsion sort of cold).  It can happen as quickly as from one day to the next.  In my own case, I woke up one morning, packed the car (back in my California days) and drove off into the desert, away from a terrible marriage that I rarely even admit to these days.

Periodically I have men ask me exactly why women turn off like this.  They may have been married for years and years and may still very much love their wives.  But their wives are just not having anything to do with them physically.  Whereas women may be perfectly content to stay in a sexless marriage for the children, for the financial security, or even because of what the neighbors think, this, to a man's way of thinking, is probably pretty close to voluntarily cutting off his (ahem) "little friend".

I don't tend to give lengthy descriptions of that feeling of one's skin shrinking at the thought of a man's touch, although it would certainly be a good thing for men to be aware of.  Instead I try to tell them, having experienced it probably dozens of times, that I think there must be a sort of physiological reason for women turning off.  It feels to me like something strongly instinctual, that may have to do with pregnancy.  We can all imagine endless scenarios that leave a woman saddled with a child she is not sufficiently prepared to raise alone; these are especially acute in the modern nuclear family mindset, without extensive family and tribal help with child-rearing.  So men's subtle selfishness, lack of whole-hearted involvement and even a gradual relaxation of those special little attentions that we women used to enjoy at the beginning of a relationship, start to kill our sex drives.  Maybe it's not because we are solely materialistic b*tches, but rather that we sense instinctively that a man who's mentally withdrawn is not a good potential father.  And maybe our bodies tell us, despite our heads knowing that we are perfectly safe with our modern birth control, to avoid sex with such men.

Enough said about the sad examples of partners of many years,  but what about the out-and-out bad boys?  They are tougher, now aren't they?  Because they tend to have that raging testosterone that screams to us women, "Evolutionary Wonder"!!!  We want them in the most visceral of ways and they know it and they use us unmercifully. These are the males with whom, back in the good ol' non-monagamist days, we sneaked away from the tribe for a good tumble in the bushes (and the ones that a not insignificant number of modern women continue to cheat with).  I can only say, woe betide she who fantasizes of domesticating one of these creatures!

I've had a few of these types and with them, often virtually from the very beginning, I spend most of my time fantasizing about my well-developed turn-off switch, hoping and praying that it will kick in, feeling frustrated with myself when it takes months or even years.  All the while the bad boy in question is blowing me off, keeping me waiting and waiting and waiting, and generally doing his best to completely ignore me.  When the last straw finally breaks, I feel an amazing feeling of relief to be free of the (if you'll excuse my language) little prick.

So now, decent, committed men (and the many who are at least making an attempt), pay attention to your women!  Remember they need those speciai little attentions and romantic gestures to continue to desire you.  Laziness on your part will soon enough have you staring into the unpleasantly stony eyes of your woman, asking yourself what on earth went wrong.  And believe me, once this happens, there is very little chance of going back.

As for those bad-boy pricks, womyn, do yourselves a favor, keep them in the bushes where they belong. Find yourselves a decent man and don't be shy about reminding him every now and then what a fabulous creature you are.

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