Monday, October 22, 2012
The (Anti) Monogamy Post, Part III
It's becoming increasingly obvious where this is going. So, for those of you who are pretty much reading this blog for one thing and one thing only (and to whom I'm increasingly catering), I've added a new label, "Non-Monogamy". Now, between this and the "Sex Tips", you can quickly and easily access what may be the best of Sexless Berlin.
Non-monogamous is what I've been, I suppose, since having something akin to a coming-out experience in my late 20s. Recently, however, I've felt more and more that it's necessary to be militantly anti-monogamous, so as to continue to chip away at this monolith of monogamy constantly bearing down on us. This blog has become almost exclusively my attempt, directed at both women and men, to do just that. With sexism, misogyny, sexual harrassment, sexual abuse, rape and worst of all, pedophilia, so rampant in so many societies, I know we can do better.
As I am not in the least inclined to force my beliefs on others, it's incumbent upon me to recognize that the last thing that many of the people out there, who have suffered various traumas thanks to the monogamist monolith, would want is something that implies that they are responsible for servicing more people! It's tricky, you see. I have only two tools, it would seem: my eloquent (ahem!) writing and my ability to lead by example.
For those of you out there who've escaped serious damage and are perhaps willing to be swayed (and here I am speaking to women because most men, whether they admit it or not, would really prefer non-monogamy), how do I begin? An Email exchange with a young and beautiful friend of mine brought me back to this topic which I've been mulling over in my head. The question is: why do beautiful women so often castigate men who find them attractive? It's quite simple: in our twenties the attention can become overwhelming, as I've blogged before. And don't forget how intensely our societies trivialize women, reducing us to nothing more than our physical appearances. The whole thing becomes at best confusing and at worst damaging. Is it any wonder we get to the point where we wish we could make it all just go away?
Let's imagine instead a society where the important thing is not looks (or possessions or prestige or power), but sharing. This is the world that Sex at Dawn envisions for us, where sharing includes everything, down to our own bodies. Imagine what it might be like for you to be most valued for your desire and ability to contribute to and support the other members of your tribe or group. Now imagine all the pathologies that would do away with.
Given that we women cannot just flick a switch and enter this alternate world, how might we begin to change things, little by little? Let's start by trying to just assume innocent until proven guilty. After all, does it take a woman more than three minutes to figure out if a man, in addition to being attracted to her beauty, is interested in her mind/character/accomplishments/personal power? I think not.
As a first step then, we can give These Men a chance. After all, how easy can it be to talk to a beautiful, self-assured woman? How many times are men cruelly shot down just because they try? Shoot them down for being shallow, sexist, fascist, unintelligent, incurious, unthoughtful, etc., etc. But not for simply daring to talk to someone who appeals to them.